COVENANT MINDED MINISTRIES

Marriage Defined

Worldly Marriage:

Marriage may generally be defined as a social contract between two (2) individuals that unites their lives legally, economically, and emotionally.

Let's say your neighbor hired you for a job to mow a lawn. The neighbor says to you: If you mow my lawn, then I will give you thirty dollars. That is a social contract. Asking someone to do something to get something in return is a social contract.

Marriage as it relates to a social contract is not a biblical marriage, but rather a marriage based on what the parties agree to effect social marriage.

A social contract marriage is worldly and most likely to fail, because it's based primarily on rules and responsibilities rather than love, loyalty, and committment, which have little or nothing to do with this type of marriage. 

Godly Marriage:

A Christian marriage is more than a social contract between two (2) individuals; it is the union of two (2) Christians of the opposite sex (male and female) in accordance with Christian governed principles as taught and revealed in the Holy Bible.

A Christians marriage is not based on rules and responsibilities alone, but rather love, loyalty, and committment. 

A marriage based on rules and responsibilities alone will have little to no love, caring, and genuine happiness, since these things are not part of the union.

Our relationship with Jesus Christ and the Father is not based on rules; but rather, first God's love for us, and then our love for Him. 

All Marriages Are Not of God

God has not ordained all marriages.  That's right!  He has not put all married couples together.  Well then, who put those together whom God have not put together?  Some have put themselves together; and some have been put together by the devil.

And He answered and said to them, Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ (Matthew 19:4)

and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? (Matthew 19:5)

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6)

Establishing and maintaining an effective, prosperous, and fulfilling marriage can only be accomplished through Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of the Christian faith, who is the Son of God the Father Almighty.

Godly marriage has the responsibility of procreating (bringing forth offspring), which includes, providing a secure and stable environment for children to be brought up in the admonition of the LORD.

Prohibitions Concerning Marriage

As God's Church, we must strive to ensure that the Word of God is the foundation of our policy and doctrine and not the ideas, speculation, culture, or racism of men.

God major concern about His people marrying others outside of the Israelite community had nothing to do with people of different racial lineage, but rather different in religious lineage.

Interracial marriage is approved of God as long as both are in the LORD God of Israel, and neither is not worshipping or paying homage some idol god.

God's concern for His people is that of damage control; not having His people joined together with those that would cause them to turn away from Him and go whoring after other gods.

God gave the saints liberty to marry anyone in the Lord regardless of race or skin color.  Continual true worship of the One true God is very important in Christian marriage; anyone of another faith poses serious problems to true worship and godly success, exactly what God wants us to avoid.

In conclusion, probitions concerning marriage are interreligious (between or among religions ), not interracial (involving various races).

A Christian has no business marrying a person who is not a Christian, regardless of what he or she feels attracted to by that person. 

If the person becomes a Christian, then he or she becomes an available prospect for dating and marriage.  Let nothing happen before its time; it's better to wait , than to operate in the disobedience of the flesh and suffer consequenses.

Problems Deriving From Sexual Immorality

Sexual immorality is of the world, and the world's syetem has money as their god, whom the world worships and the devil utilizes a prime bait to lure money thristy people into his snare.

People of the world utilize various ungodly means to acquire the money to support themselves and to get the things their envious hearts desire, which includes, but is not limited to, robbing, stealing, murdering, prostitution (adult and child), adultery, pornography (adult and child),  fornication, lying,  spying or espionaging, backbiting, backstabbing, slavery, extortioning, fears, intimidations and other things of these various ungodly natures.

The Bible describes the above works of the flesh that would be occuring in the last days as follows:

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: (2nd Timothy 3:1)

 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, (2nd Timothy 3:2)

 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, (2nd Timothy 3:3)

 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, (2nd Timothy 3:4)

having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! (2nd Timothy 3:5)

For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, (2nd Timothy 3:6)

always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. (2nd Timothy 3:7)

Now as Jannes and Jambres resisted Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, disapproved concerning the faith; (2nd Timothy 3:8)

but they will progress no further, for their folly will be manifest to all, as theirs also was. (2nd Timothy 3:9)

Those who bite and devour one another are most likely to be consumed by one another.  When sinful desires are pursued, people criticize and contend with one another, and end up being consumed by one another, in worthless and destructive attacks that go beyond contentions and jealousies, to what the Bible describes as works of the flesh.

Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, (Galatians 5:19)

idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, (Galatians 5:20)

envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:21)

Sexual immorality associates itself with all kinds of evil, and is utilized to accomplish evil objectives of all types. 

Climates of sexual immorality produce sinful manifestation that negatively impact our soceities in various ways, because of little or no value being place on ethics and morals; wherein, generating unhealthy, destructive and violent soceities.

But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth.  James 3:14)

This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. (James 3:15)

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. (James 3:16)

Practicing and Teaching the Law of God

Hear, O Israel: "The LORD our God, the LORD is one! (Deuteronomy 6:4)

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. (Deuteronomy 6:5)

"And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. (Deuteronomy 6:6)

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you set in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. (Deuteronomy 6:7)

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, A good understanding have all those who do His commandments. His praises endures forever. (Psalm 111:10)

From the rising of the sun to its going down The LORD's name is to be praised. (Psalm 113:3)

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.  Because you have rejected knowledge, I also will reject you from being priest for Me.  Because you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children. (Hosea 4:6)

Shacking-Up is Messing Up

You just cannot shack around; living sinful and speaking holy; lying and being lied to; chasing down and being chased after; doing things to make one another jealous; living in or with for the sake of monetary benefits; arguing and fussing over money and sex; and one or the other accusing the other of sleeping around or fooling around.

What should you expect out of a shaking around relationship that's disapproved of God and out of line with His word?

Do you not know that you shall reap what you sow, and that sin you've sown shacking around, you have to pay for it?

Very few shacking-up relationships that move into marrital relationships prove to be successful.  The primary reason for unsuccessfulness is that such marriages are built on responsibilities and duties rather than love, loyalty, and commitment.

To make a shacking-up marital relationship work requires both parties to humble themselves under the mighty hand of God and place God's word as the highest priority item in their lives, which most shackers refuse to do, because to them it's about them and what satisfies them.

Most, if not all shacking-up relationships have gone through contentions and strifes over what one or the other has failed to do or should be doing; and insulting and degrading one another; and playing power games against one another; and various other unprofitable and destructive communication. 

Not shacking --- Just Fooling Around

Then those who aren't shacking up together, but engaged in sexual immorality, wondering why they're going through the troubles they're going through. 

Very seldom, if ever, they consider such troubles being the direct result of sin, because they've miniaturized or just totally disregarded their ungodly sexual behavior practice as sin.

Just because you redefine what's proven to be an acceptable behavior practice in your own eyes as an acceptable behavior practice, doesn't make it right; it's still sin with costly results.

Broken Marriages & Unsuccessful Relationships

The answer to broken marriages and unsuccessful relationships is obedience to God's word.  As we all can see, that is, all who have a desire, those who continue to be disobedient to God's word will continue to suffer despair.

The results will change only when the person chooses to change his or her ways of living.  Do not expect to sow the same sinful seeds and get different results; it will not happen!

Sow for yourselves righteousness; Reap in mercy; Break up your fallow ground For it is time to seek the LORD, Till He comes and rains righteousness on you. (Hosea 10:12)

Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3:18)

Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: (Hebrews 12:14)

Sex is Holy

Sex is holy, being the creation and gift of God.  It is fulfilled only as regulated by the Law of God in marriage between a man and woman, who were created to complement each other physically as in other ways, and to share together in God's creative process.

We alone can make sex moral, giving it a non-biological meaning and making it creative of personal and spiritual values. 

Thus we make sex a function of the whole personality, combining it with love and fidelity. 

While sexuality alone permits the establishment of a relationship which is procreative, a couple's God centered union permits them to establish a spiritually creative relationship through their sexuality. 

Human sexuality, then, has a dual purpose of communion and reproduction.

The exclusive sexual relation between husband and wife points to the exclusive commitment of total responsibility for each other.  Sexual intercourse is an act of the whole self, a personal encounter. 

Spiritually, the act itself must be offered to God in intention and thanksgiving, husband and wife acknowledging that God is the Author of their love.

Sexual intimacy affords husband and wife a medium for mutual disclosures, the senses becoming a channel of communication for all that lies too deep for utterance and yet must somehow to told in order to fulfill the total mutuality of marriage.

The sexual communion speaks of a pervading possessiveness, each partner offering a precious gift to the other with love and fidelity, which has been exclusively preserved for that one alone. 

The husband and the wife communes with God through sex, in that, where two or more are gathered together in His name, He is in the midst.  All acts of holiness involve Jesus being in the midst of them, which is exactly why sex is not perversion, but holy.

The sexual union between husband and wife is sacramental in the sense that it is an outward sign of an inner commitment of love which is recognized as a gift from God. 

This union is more than spiritual, for from it emerges a spiritual gift and knowledge, in that, it is not a mere fact of nature, because we are not in bondage to it. 

But rather, it is a divine gift within the divine vocation of marriage, and as such, it is subject to our freedom and moral responsibility toward God the Giver.

Sexual intercourse is to be employed according to the purpose of the Giver, in which, such fulfillment is both the need and right of husband and wife alike. 

It must be part of loving the other for what one is in himself and herself, and for what their union means in its exclusiveness and permanence,

in that, it is a creative relationship through which a couple express the whole meaning of the quality of their marriage.

Marriage's Fulfillment

Marriage is the highest fulfillment of human friendship, fulfilling every ideal of human intimacy and mutuality and loyalty. 

It can be enriched by both sex and parenthood, but neither is capable of sustaining it. 

Love alone gives meaning and inward validity to marriage and guarantees its integrity. Fidelity, not as an expression of obligation, but as an element of love, is necessary to successful marriage.

Marriage is not a self-centered relationship, but other person-centered (requisite love), giving and renouncing for the sake of the well-being of the beloved rather than in expectation of return. 

It is expressed through service, not exploitation, and is the ground for the most meaningful sharing of which human personality is capable.

Such profound and unconditional love of marriage dissolves differences and barriers, while such identification does not destroy self, but rather extends self in a new dimension. 

The Bond of Oneness

In love for Christ is to be found the bond of oneness, and the determinant of the quality and strength of love for each other. 

Forgiving love is a creative force within marriage, deriving its nature from the experience of Christ's forgiving love.

Such forgiving love will act as mercy (forgiving when there seems no adequate reason to forgive); and as grace (freely giving with no promises demanded); love covers a multitude of sins (short-comings on either party's behalf). 

More than love is the sense that marriage is a divine order which is binding.  Fidelity truly exists when the feeling of love is absorbed into one's personal will. 

Commitment is twofold: to the beloved and to the divine will.  Indissolubility is the principle upon which one is free to commit himself and herself unreservedly to the marriage, to share and to venture all the confidence of fulfillment.

Marriage Stabilizes and Fosters

Marriage stabilizes the sexual impulse and transforms it into a creative energy with contributes to the spiritual and societal life of man and woman. 

It generates the power to domesticate the sexual desire and build it into the total structure of human existence and purpose, and to promote the gradual growth of mutual understanding and sympathy essential for mutual completion and fulfillment.

Marriage best fosters the security of familial conditions necessary to maturation of children, wherein, raising them in the admonition of the LORD,

that their lifestyle will be as yours, in line with the word of God, living a life of celibacy and virginity until the time of marriage, in respect and honor of their bodies before the world.

This lifestyle lived and passed down as the acceptable standard of living provokes God's favor and eliminates many of the perils and troubles being experienced in the world today by the children of disobedience.

Blessings and Cursings

Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the LORD your God will set you high above all nations of the earth.  (Deuteronomy 28:1)

And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the LORD your God. (Deuteronomy 28:2)

But is shall come to pass, if you do not obey the voice of the LORD your God, to observe carefully all His commandments and His statutes which I command you today, that all these curses will come upon you and overtake you: (Deuteronomy 28:15)

God's promises of the fullness of His blessing are dependent upon obedience to Him. 

However, His curses are reluctant, but certain punishment for disobedience which leads to despair, which could have been avoided through obedience. 

Despairs (complete loss of hope, depression, gloom, desperation, despondency) are direct results of disobedience that affects all human activities, some even to the point of nothingness.

Obedience to the word of God should be the highest prioritized item in our lifes.  Lowely prioritizing obedience to the word of God surely leads to failure.

 Abominations to the LORD

Abominations are vile, detestable and shameful actions, or anything greatly disliked or abhorred by God.

Sexual immorality is an abomination to the LORD.

Do you, as so many others, wonder why so many marriages fail and why there are so many unsuccessful relationships? 

Absolutely! you and may others wonder not only about others, but your own; as to what is happening,and why so much is happening that's so hard to understand, much less, resolve.

So many of these broken marriages, and shacking-up relationships, and messing around relationships, have terribly failed and left very ugly and irreconcilable differences that are still outstanding and un-forgiven.

It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles—that a man has his father’s wife! (1st Corinthians 5:1)

wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. (1st Corinthians 5:9)

Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. (1st Corinthians 6:13)

Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. (1st Corinthians 6:18)

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; (1st Thessalonians 4:3)

as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. (Jude 1:7)

But I have a few things against you, because you have there those who hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balak to put a stumbling block before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols, and to commit sexual immorality. (Revelation 2:14)

And I gave her time to repent of her sexual immorality, and she did not repent. (Revelation 2:21)

And they did not repent of their murders or their sorceries or their sexual immorality or their thefts. (Revelation 9:21)

God Sees All and Does Exactly What He Says He Will Do

God's blessings are driven by our obedience to Him; whereas, God's cursings are driven by our disobedience to Him.  In our conducts lies either blessings or cursings.  It is absolutely ridiculous for anyone to believe that they're going to get anything out of disobedience other than that which he or she has sown.

The eyes of The LORD are in every place, Keeping watch on the evil and the good. (Proverbs 15:3)

The LORD has made all for Himself, Yes, even the wicked for the day of doom. (Proverbs 16:4)

One who turns away his ear from hearing the law, Even his prayer is an abomination. (Proverbs 28:9)

God Will Supply Your Need

Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25)

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

God does not need the devil's help to supply your need.  Those who practice sexual immorality (shacking-up and/or giving-it-up every now and then) for financial gain to support their need, are not being supplied by God, but by the devil; because God does not utilize sin to accomplish His mission.

The devil even has some of those utilizing sexual immorality as a means of income calling it a blessing from the LORD.  Do not be deceived.  God's way is clean and righteous; Satan's way is dirty and unrighteous.

The Lord's way is spiritually minded, and leads to life and peace.  The devil way is carnally minded, and leads to destruction and death.  Serious consequences come upon all that follow the way of the devil.  Who you follow is not determined by your mouth, but by your practice.

Wealth gained by dishonesty will be diminished, But he who gathers by labor will increase.

There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death. (Proverbs 14:12)

Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, But afterward his mouth will be filled with gravel. (Proverbs 20:17)

“As a partridge that broods but does not hatch, So is he who gets riches, but not by right; It will leave him in the midst of his days, And at his end he will be a fool.” (Jeremiah 17:9)

Days of Prosperity and Days of Adversities

Understand this!  Both prosperity and adversity come from the hand of God.  In the day of prosperity, we are to give thanks; in the day of adversity, we are to reflect on the goodness and to understand the nature or meaning of the plan of God for our lives.

Whatever forces (adversities) that cause loss of productivity brought on by the devourer (devil) do not come without God's approval; and if He allowed certain adversities to come, He's working it all together for our good; and in due time He will deliver us if we do not lose faith.  God is the One that both appoints and cancels prosperity and adversity; cancellation of all adversities are done upon request to Him through His Son Jesus Christ at His will and at His own timing.

For wisdom is a defense as money is a defense, But the excellence of knowledge is that wisdom gives life to those who have it. (Ecclesiastes 7:12)

Consider the work of God; For who can make straight what He has made crooked?  (Ecclesiastes 7:13)

In the day of prosperity be joyful, But in the day of adversity consider: Surely God has appointed the one as well as the other, So that man can find out nothing that will come after him. (Ecclesiastes 7:14)

Reference Back!

Go back to the "Sexual Abstinence and Virginity" page for very important data on Marriage and Sex !!!

This  reference page is located just before the "Marriage and Sex" page and right after the "Victorious Living" page.

Counseling Authority

The authority on counceling  the parties of a relationship in an effort to recognize and to better manage or reconcile troublesome differences and repeating patterns of distress is the Holy Bible.

When God's commandments are acknowledged and proper place at the beginning of the relationship, many or most of  the problems proven to be destructive in relationships are either not experienced or handled with a less degree of difficulity.

In the first place, a marriage is supposed to be the result of love and not lust.

Those who enter marriage out of lust depend mostly or most oftenly on that lust to remain for sustaining and maintaining their marriage.

Each and every person has a unique personality, preception, set of values and history, and many times, individuals in the relationship adhere to different value systems.

Each and every institutional and societal variable (like the social, religious, group and other collective factors) of the individuals in the relationship, which shape their personal natures and behaviors, must be acknowledged and recognized.

All of these variables or factors most importantly, need to be recognized and acknowledged before the marriage, which would delay and/or prevent many marriages from even taking place.

Love functions optimally (most favorably or desirably) wherein, given from God  for labor toward God and one another.

Self-reinforcing (self-strengthening, effecting), and maladaptive patterns (faulty or inadequate adaptive patterns)are by products of lust not love.

These maladaptive patterns are sometimes called negative interaction cycles (insecure attachment, ego,  arrogance, jealously,  anger, greed, poor communication/ understanding, or problem solving, ill health, third parties and so on).

Changes in situations like financial state, and physical health, and influence of other family members can have a profound influence on the conduct, responses and actions of the individuals in a relationship.

The quality or capacity of listening,  respecting, understanding, and facilitating one another other is produced out of love, not lust, because it doesn't have the patience to accomondate these qualities.

Love Is

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. (1st Corinthians 13:1)

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. (1st Corinthians 13:2)

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing. (1st Corinthians 13:3)

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; (1st Corinthians 13:4)

does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; (1st Corinthians 13:5)

does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; (1st Corinthians 13:6)

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1st Corinthians 13:7)

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. (1st Corinthians 13:8)

For we know in part and we prophesy in part. (1st Corinthians 13:9)

But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. (1st Corinthians 13:10)

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. (1st Corinthians 13:11)

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. (1st Corinthians 13:12)

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1st Corinthians 13:13)

Why is Love so Great

One may ask, why is love the greatest of these three?  Well, because God is love and it takes the love of God to love as one should love.

The love of God is sincere and unconditional love that makes peace and not war; heals and does not destroy; gives and does not take away or expect anything in return.

Making war, destroying, and taking away are attributes of worldly love (lust), which many are tangled up in and being deceived by; such love carries the sting of death.

It takes both persons involved in a marriage to work out or resolve the issues they're experiencing, and without sincere love it's impossible for such issues to be adequately resolved.

It is absolutely necessary for equal responsibility for awareness of problems as they arise to be taken each person, as well as awareness of their own contribution to the problem(s).

This awareness allows some  fundamental changes in thought and feeling for the benefit of the relationship, which is the overall goal.

And we have known and believed the love that God has for us.  God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God.  (1st John 3:16)

But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him. (1st John 2:5)

Loving One Another

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)

For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. (Ephesians 5:23)

Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:24)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, (Ephesians 5:25)

This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:32)

Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)

[The Enduring Word ] Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, (1st Peter 1:22)

And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.” (1st Peter 4:8)

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. (John 15:12)